Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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