youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
My boob is missing a layer of skin
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
