I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
