I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
