Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
