What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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