I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
