I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Randomize
