I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
