Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
