Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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