I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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