if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
