Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
