I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
