I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
