belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
