No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
