they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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