a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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