My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
no you cant smoke seaweed
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
