dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
