I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
