is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
