that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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