Swine flu. Run for my life!
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
