I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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