Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
It's blow job season.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
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