I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
