i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
