wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
