I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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