I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
