Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Randomize
