so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
