The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
