Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
