I showed him my bush... on skype.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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