he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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