During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Vodka?
Forever.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
