I think my fart just growled at me.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
