I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
