I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
