The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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