You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
