This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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