This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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