I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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