sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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