dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
