I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You may now shotgun with the bride
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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